The House of Spirits

Blanca Trueba in the movie "The House of Spirits" says that her mother's diaries helped her understand how events in their lives were interconnected. I forgot the exact words. I wonder if it is in Isabelle Allende's novel. I haven't read it yet and I couldn't find a copy in the local bookstore. I would find the book soon. I liked the movie.

These words make me ponder on my life and its relationship to the events that took place in my past. Deep in my heart, i want to know where it would lead and finally take me. For my life is not over yet.. and I've always felt, it has not yet begun..

I am not righteous.
I am not noble. No, not anymore. I lost it in the course of my suffering and hurt.
I am not a person of impeccable integrity. I have commited mistakes. I have commited crimes.
I would not say I am not a liar. I may not have been honest at some point in my life. But truth has always been my foundation.
I am not virtuous. I try to cultivate my own values and principles.
I am hurt.
I am struggling.
I am surviving.
I forgive. I find it hard to forget.
I believe in love and above all in life.
I believe we can change the course of destiny if we chose to. I know it. I witnessed it. I just hope in the future I can change it for the better.

And so this, journal. I should write for posterity. I should write for therapy. In the end I just want to know what went wrong and if there is still something I could do to make it right. I want to start living. I want to be happy.